the other day, my youtube feed thought it was fit to recommend this video by Lucy Vo. It is pretty good video where Lucy goes over how to go about approaching people who you feel have a “tension” with. I found her voice really soothing and relaxing, so, I locked my phone and just layed on my bed and listened her talk.
After the video ended, I just played whatever was suggested next, didn’t look at the title or anything (It was this video).
The first 9-ish minutes were alright until she began reading a viewer’s question.
How do you get over someone whom you thought had a mutual and genuine connection with? I find myself double texting and putting in my energy and efforts to reach out and get to know her but my energy is never reciprocated. I feel like she only responds when it’s most convenient for her like a few days to a week or maybe a month and she’ll tell me she got busy and forgot. It’s just a never-ending cycle of me being stuck in this penpal limbo and her avoidant tendencies. It’s high highs and low lows but no sort of consistency or in-between.
She then goes over her opinions over this and she said something which hit me quite hard.
Know that, “Oh, I have this definite attachment of high-highs with them, so the few times where they do reach out to me, it feels like gold.” But also recognize that your words are gold too…
I ended up replaying this part for like 45 minutes, and kept going back to it on the other day,
I have met a lot of people who have acted this way, we get along very well for a bunch of months, they suddenly start getting spotty and BOOM. savy is now abandoned…
One friend soft-blocked me on twitter, seemingly out of the blue. They confessed it was because of a tweet I made about some other person on my private account. I kinda just knew it was because of my own actions that they took this step. I assumed at first they were just having a bad day and my actions made it worse for them, So I reached out to them at all place which I could and made sure to apologize while still gave them space to work out their feelings. But as more days passed, I introspected (and over-thought), I just realized that they had already became spotty over the past couple of weeks too. I guess they found something about me which they hated and made it hard for them to
interact with me. And all this just gave them an excuse to step away.
This was the most probable explaination for their actions but why do they still keep talking to me, even if it’s like 3 texts a day.
Are they scared of “ditching” me? Were they genuinely hurt thru my actions and are still conflicted if they want to interact with me? Or maybe they really are busy and I’m just over-analysing and over-thinking all this…
I’ve been dying to ask them “Who am I to you?”, but I fear that that will get ignored too.
I’m scared that this person may read this post and end up removing me from their life from good but I do hope that does not happen, and they, instead, see this as a opportunity to assure me somehow… or maybe hit me head on?…
My Best Friend got in an accident the other day. It wasn’t fatal but he ended up getting 5 stiches on his legs. I only learned about this after his brother told me this on instagram last night.
If it weren’t for that small conversation with his brother, I doubt I would have ever known about this.
I called him this morning, and I was honestly so heartbroken that I started crying (Which is rare for me cause I’ve have become immune to crying cause I’ve always bottled up my feelings). Out of concern for him and the feeling of betrayal.
It gutted me so much to think that He didn’t think I was “worthy” of knowing about his wellbeing.
Maybe I’m being too dramtic, and he genuinly didn’t want to concern me.
But It still makes me super anxious of what I mean to him. Is he just chugging me along to not feel guilty?
I personally think I have a very flawed sense of where I stand as a friend to other person (which is often very inflated, in my opinion) and I live in ths constant anxiety of what I mean to a person.
I’m always second guessing if a person genuinely likes my company or is just interacting for the sake of it.
This obviously hurts relationships, I tend to go anti-social in person lot. Some episodes almost ended in me become a total loner.
But this is one thing which I just can work around. I love people.
I’ve been anxious of making connections for as long as I can remember, and from the looks of things I doesn’t look like it’s going to change anytime soon. :/
I’ve tried to always create an environment where the other person can (hopefully) reach out to me about me habits and quirks which make them uncomfortable and talk over things.
I personally think I’m a pretty reasonable person to work with, and the topic of fixing myself is something which I really care about a lot.
Maybe I just need to get a lot more comfortable with people leaving me, and I need to learn working with no closure to things..
Maybe this is too much to ask for from people, and honeslty is a very awkward think to ask but could you please let me know who I am to you?..
or i do mean something to you, could you please re-assure me in some way?
