i randomly stumbled upon this track named “pedestrian at best” by courtney barret some time ago on bandcamp.
it’s a good song, quite angsty, i love it.
but to be honest, i never really gave much thought to it’s lyrics except the following one:
Put me on a pedestal and I’ll only disappoint you.
i keep coming back to this verse, cause it basically describes me. although, i haven’t disappoint anyone upto this point (i really hope i didn’t), but i really hate the fact that almost everyone, that becomes more than good friends with me, ends up putting me on a pedestial.
i’ve been called a “gifted child” for as long as i can remember. so obviously, all of my family and frens have very high expectations from me.
insert generic rant about not needing to prep for tests/exams upto high school but now being just fucking washed.
before starting college, i was pretty stoked cause having all new people around me means i won’t have people think highly of me,
and start expecting too much from me. 😄
it’s on me tho, i have been fucked over by life so many times, yet, i still believe that stuff will unfold according to my convenience.
i have no fucking clue why, but it was middle school all over again. people asking me for coding stuff, audio pheripherals stuff, IT stuff, heck even relationship advice?!?!?!?!
i admit i know a thing or two about all the aforementioned thing but relationships. 😭
and now i even have people coming to me to review resumé and interview people.
i’m kinda jealous of peeps whom people don’t expect much from and just do their own lil thing.
but at the same time, i deeply cherish everyone that comes up to me, seeking my help with whatever they need help with and it puts a very wide smile on my face (which i try to hide in order to be nonchalant 🥸).
i love that fuzzy feeling of being acknowleged by you being the person which pops up in someone’s mind when they needed halp (tbf who doesn’t).
writing this makes me feel guilty for not appretiating and rather bad-mouthing all the people who look upto me but i’ve been stressed for, basically my entire life, trying to meet people’s expectation from me, that it has become just soo frustrating for me to entertain these people now. 😔
i really hate this part of me for the obvious reasons…
i wonder what it’s really like to be just a pedestrian and not being the statue on a pedestial for once…
track: pedestrian at best
album: sometimes i sit and think, and sometimes i just sit
artist: courtney barret
links for the song:
youtube | apple music
